A pain in the…

Posted on February 12, 2017 by dlhitzeman

One of the things I had never considered about having a chronic condition like diabetes is that it is painful, not as much in the sense that the condition itself is painful, but in the sense that the treatment is.

I’ve already learned the lesson of ignoring it–or perhaps enduring it–but at least three times a day, I have to prick or stab myself to check my blood sugar or administer insulin. The fact is these events hurt, not a lot, but still, and I find that pain has an accumulative effect on one’s outlook on life. Now I understand a little better why the people with chronic illness act the way they do.

And it’s not just a matter of physical pain either. There’s further the metaphorical pain of paying for medication, the mental pain of having to be disciplined with diet and exercise even when you don’t want to, and the emotional pain of having to deal with the fact I’m sick with something that is, to a great degree, my fault.

This isn’t a troll for sympathy or a depressive mea culpa. Instead, it’s an acknowledgement this sucks and a warning to everyone who is not this way to avoid it if at all possible. This is preventable pain, but it takes some work and dedication to make sure it doesn’t happen to you. Because, the fact is, this is a pain in all the wrong places, and I don’t recommend it.

DLH

Moving bull

Posted on February 11, 2017 by dlhitzeman

No really, we moved the bull we share with another farm back to ours today. This is the first significant work I’ve done on the farm since I got out of the hospital. With the much appreciated help of friends, it was a smooth load, but I am amazed at how tired I am after what is usually just a short excursion.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get any pictures because I was working, but that’s the price of self employment, I suppose.

DLH

Rambling and repetition

Posted on February 10, 2017 by dlhitzeman

When trying to write a daily weblog, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of repetition, especially when the subject is narrow like I’ve imagined the subject for this blog to be. So I wonder, what do other people want to hear about?

It’s often hard to get other people to respond to that sort of a question because they feel embarrassed about their answers, don’t think others will listen to them, or don’t feel like they have the time. Yet, I think that sharing those kinds of thoughts with each other helps us see the world more clearly and can help make each of our own rambling road less repetitious.

So, what do you want to hear about? Tell me in the comments.

DLH

Breaking in new jeans

Posted on February 9, 2017 by dlhitzeman

As I mentioned previously, one of the side effects of my illness was a dramatic loss of weight. I dropped more than thirty pounds in a month and a half, meaning that most of my clothes simply don’t fit anymore.

That inevitably led to one of my all time least favorite activities, emergency clothes shopping for jeans that don’t fit like clown pants. Much to my surprise, I’ve dropped from a 44 to a 40, and even more to my surprise, I discovered in these new pants that the shape of my body has changed from what it used to be.

Now I’m doing one of my other all time least favorite activities, breaking in new jeans. I hate the way new denim feels, the way it fits, and in the case of my new pants, the way it carries on me as a result of my thinner legs, less substantial buttocks, and slimmer waist.

Most people would be thrilled to be down so much weight, and don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I’m not as heavy, but can’t we find a better way to do new jeans?

DLH

Listen to your…

Posted on February 9, 2017 by dlhitzeman

Perhaps I can’t speak for everyone, but I suspect that most of us have people in our lives who, for all sorts of reasons, constantly look out for our wellbeings even if we are not. It turns out I have several people who fill that role in various capacities, and I am learning that their support, advice, criticisms, and warnings are some of the most valuable tools I have available.

It’s often easy to ignore someone else’s advice when we become convinced we already know what we’re doing, can’t change our circumstances, or have stopped trying. It is at those moments those other people become most valuable to us because they won’t back down from pushing us even as we might resist what they have to say.

My advice now is to listen to them. I am not saying we always have to do what they have to say, but we should at least give them a fair hearing. Consider the advice they’re offering. And even if you say no, we need to be certain of the reasons why.

I think we will all find we’re better off if we heed their advice. It’s often the case those closest to us can see things about us we cannot. And, if my own experience is any guide, more often than not, they’re right. We would be mistaken to ignore that kind of help.

So, we should listen to the ones sometimes telling us things we don’t want to hear. They may be the most important words anyone speaks to us, and will help us avoid hurt down the road.

DLH

Keep your blood sugar in check. Seriously

Posted on February 7, 2017 by dlhitzeman

One of the more disconcerting experiences I’ve had in this journey so far is moments when my blood sugar has been out of check due to various factors ranging from the unknown to my own stupid behavior.

Now that I am on medication and insulin to regulate things, I can tell almost immediately when things go out of whack. When things get too low, I get weak and shaky quick, and when things get too high, I get bone-crushingly tired to the point I have to lay down or I’m going to just sleep where I am.

Unfortunately, this is a new normal for me, but one that has specific and enduring ramifications for anyone trying to be healthy. My own body’s reaction may be extreme, but you may recognize the symptoms in how your own body reacts to food and activity. Those reactions aren’t normal and I implore you to consider them carefully to avoid having to go what I have gone through.

I will be the first to acknowledge that better eating–the real key to blood sugar management and to avoiding a whole host of chronic illnesses–is time consuming, expensive, and sometimes downright boring. It is also one of the best choices you will ever make.

If I may be so bold, consider the following as a minimum: stop drinking sugared beverages of any kind and stop eating refined sugars. That change alone will pay dividends you can’t imagine. If you want to go beyond that, read food labels compulsively (there are plenty of websites out there that will help you learn to understand what’s making you sick) and eat vegetables like it’s your religion. If you want to go all the way, only eat food that you know who grew it. I promise. It will make a difference.

It will be worth it if you do. You don’t have to learn the hard lesson I have.

DLH

Pancreatitis makes my clothes fall off

Posted on February 6, 2017 by dlhitzeman

..But, as my wife pointed out and with apologies to Joe Nichols, tequila would have been a lot cheaper…

Lame attempts at humor aside, since the beginning of January, I’ve lost more than 30 pounds as a result of a combination of not really being able to eat for almost two weeks, changes to how my body handles food due to illness and medication, and now being on a somewhat restricted diet missing, most notably, the foods that helped me get fat.

The result has been dramatic, involving everything from flappy skin on my legs and butt to losing a couple of cup sizes on my moobs (c’mon people, laugh). More importantly, I’ve lost several inches off my waist from a year ago, dropping four pant sizes.

This isn’t the way to lose weight I’d recommend to anyone, but it is interesting that one of the pieces of advice medical professionals and various individuals have been giving me for more than a decade finds its realization in illness. It appears my body decided I needed to lost the weight even if my mind was reluctant to do so. The secret, of course, is to keep that weight off in the long term.

Maybe that tequila will come in handy after all…

DLH

Brainersize

Posted on February 5, 2017 by dlhitzeman

One of the things I think we often miss in the course of physical recovery is how important it is to keep the brain engaged as well. It’s amazing to me how fast the brain can get lazy and soft, perhaps even more so than our bodies, and how that lazy, soft brain can hinder physical recovery in ways weakness and pain won’t.

I have been fortunate in my own recovery that I am surrounded by family and friends who will not let me degenerate into a pile of mental goo. Whether it’s people physically close to me asking what I’m working on or friends at a distance taking the time to engage me, I owe a lot to these people for keeping my brain active.

Beyond the social interaction, it’s important for me to keep my brain active with the kinds of things that keep me engaged under more normal circumstances. As such, I keep reading though my attention span still suffers. I play computer games because there are few better ways to keep a wandering mind moving. I’m slowly starting to work on art and writing again, though those things are going to take longer to happen than I thought they would. Eventually, I’ll get back to my tech tinkering.

Overall, what I learn from all of this engagement is that, when my brain is engaged, I actually hurt less and am more likely to commit to the other activities that will make me feel better in the long run. If there was any ever doubt the brain is the master of the body, the reality of what happens when we keep it engaged should put that to rest.

DLH

Roller coaster recovery

Posted on February 4, 2017 by dlhitzeman

I’ve never been seriously ill before recently, so to say that the long term effects of having been seriously ill have taken me by surprise is an understatement. In the past, I have usually been a fast healer, so despite the severity of my issue, I imagined from the very beginning that I would be back up on my feet in a matter of weeks.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Now, granted, the general trend over the past few weeks has been improvement, but the fact is that, while there have been mostly good days, the bad days stand out in their capacity to knock me on my rear end.

The past couple of days have been bad days, the kind that have taken it all out of me. I’ve gone from grouchy to downright foul as I hurt, ache, and struggle with fatigue. Somewhere in there, I know this is not a permanent state, but the physical and psychological effect of even a temporary setback is large for someone as determined and impatient as I tend to be.

Bad days also serve as a warning. This illness damaged my body, and some part of my illness was the result of a bad combination of willful ignorance and impatience with my body warning me it was not okay. In some ways, I’m glad the bad days happen to remind me I can’t go back to the way I was without the risk of repeating what happened.

In short, then, the bad days will happen, and I have to learn to live with them because they’re now part of the package. It’s not going to be easy, but it is necessary.

DLH

Crankysaurus

Posted on February 3, 2017 by dlhitzeman

Long before more recent events, I earned the reputation for sometimes being mercurial. I suppose there are many reasons for that fact, but among the most easily identifiable is the result of me getting bored.

Today hasn’t been the best of days, but that fact is to be expected as I recover and rebuild. Unfortunately, down days like today mean I’m not as able to do even simple things I might want. Instead, I find myself sitting around, and that act is a recipe for disaster.

I try to keep it all in context and remember it’s just one day, but sometimes the reality and logic of it can’t overcome nature. Instead, I’ve descended into a grumpy jerk. Hopefully, by tomorrow, this will have passed and I’ll be back to a more agreeable version of myself.

DLH

The Rambling Road

Observations from the journey of life by Dennis L Hitzeman

Monthly Archives: February 2017