One of the things I struggle with as a creator is the notion of wanting it to be easy. I know creating is work, but as a creator, I long for those moments of sheer inspiration when everything just flows. I also know that, the vast majority of the time, it’s just work and the inspiration is hard to come by. This feeling is not unique, but it is an impediment to getting things done and far too often functions as a foil to doing the work.

I am discovering the method to overcoming this obstacle is force. The more I force myself to work, the easier the work becomes, in a way end running the problem and creating the circumstance I long for.

Then again, force comes with its own set of problems. It can be violent, even if just mentally and emotionally, and can breed resentment. To overcome those obstacles, I find it is important to focus on the goals rather than the process. When I can remember why I am forcing myself, the process begins to flow.

I tend not to make resolutions because I’m notorious for not following through on them, but this time of year can’t help but elicit reflection, and reflection can’t help but make me think about how to go about fixing things I see wrong, especially with myself.

My ongoing goal is to continue to force myself and to embrace the flow it creates. I’m a long way from easy, if such a thing even exists, but I know I can build up the endurance and the ethic necessary to get what I am trying to do done.


The Rambling Road: A pain in the…

One of the things I had never considered about having a chronic condition like diabetes is that it is painful, not as much in the sense that the condition itself is painful, but in the sense that the treatment is.

I’ve already learned the lesson of ignoring it–or perhaps enduring it–but at least three times a day, I have to prick or stab myself to check my blood sugar or administer insulin. The fact is these events hurt, not a lot, but still, and I find that pain has an accumulative effect on one’s outlook on life. Now I understand a little better why the people with chronic illness act the way they do.

And it’s not just a matter of physical pain either. There’s further the metaphorical pain of paying for medication, the mental pain of having to be disciplined with diet and exercise even when you don’t want to, and the emotional pain of having to deal with the fact I’m sick with something that is, to a great degree, my fault.

This isn’t a troll for sympathy or a depressive mea culpa. Instead, it’s an acknowledgement this sucks and a warning to everyone who is not this way to avoid it if at all possible. This is preventable pain, but it takes some work and dedication to make sure it doesn’t happen to you. Because, the fact is, this is a pain in all the wrong places, and I don’t recommend it.


Read more at my The Rambling Road weblog…

A state of mind

For me, the biggest downside of farming is that my health doesn’t always agree with it, mostly in the form of sometimes debilitating allergies. People often ask me why I keep doing it knowing that I will periodically subject myself to such suffering, and my most often answer is that it’s just a temporary state.

For example, for the past few days, I’ve been doing hay. It turns out that whoever coined the term “hay fever” wasn’t kidding, and as is the case nearly every year, right now I feel like I’m coming down with the flu. I know a lot of people would consider such a reaction to the task to be a deal breaker, but what I discovered a long time ago is knowing this will last, at most, a couple of days, gives me the willpower both to inflict it on myself and to endure it while it lasts.

What I’ve discovered as a result is that hay fever is kind of a metaphor for farming and that farming is a kind of metaphor for life. Sure, sometimes the process sucks, but the fact is the work needs done, somebody has to do it, and the results are usually worth even a little suffering to get there.

So it is and so it goes, pardon me while I wipe my nose.