Worldview: The Rambling Road: A wheeze on the wind, or the sound of a fat boy running

So, it turns out that, after years of trying to ignore it into going away, the simple fact is the best way for me to jump start the process by which I’m not going to be perpetually fat, tired, and sick is by running.

Yeah, I know, running…

To be fair, I used to run. For a few years in my 20s, I ran 2-3 miles nearly everyday. Then I stopped. That in itself is a long story, but one that likely helped set the stage for where I am now. Now, 20ish years later, I’m going back to the thing I once did, I guess.

One day, perhaps even soon, I hope to document the research that led me to that conclusion so that, at the very least, it’s out on the internet for anyone else searching for answers to judge for themselves, but for the moment let’s suffice it to say that running engages the specific biological pathways that help reduce fat around the liver, which fat is likely one of the main culprits of my complaints.

In several important ways, this running is going to be, lacking a better way of describing it, medicinal running, and the best way to describe this phenomenon is to do so by what it’s not going to be. Unless something in my own psychology changes, this running isn’t going to be about 5ks or marathons, not about PRs or ever increasing distances, and not about proving myself in any other way but one.

Along with a controlled diet and plenty of walking to complement the running, this effort will be about weight loss. It’s a ham-handed standard, I know, but the fact is that at my current weight–295lbs and counting, for those keeping track at home–it’s the single most effective way for me to measure whether what I am doing is achieving my primary goal.

I appreciate every piece of advice I’ve already received about this undertaking, and I always want to hear more of it, but please understand that I hear and evaluate any of it through the filter of what I already know I am trying to do. It may be that something you say helps me advance that cause, and I want to hear it, but please don’t be disappointed if I decide it doesn’t fit with what I am trying to do. It’s not that I haven’t listened. It’s that I am very focused on what I am trying to do.

To that end, I also plan to post a weekly update documenting my progress so that interested parties can keep track and so that I can have a log of what I’ve been doing for my own use. If you are keeping track and don’t see that update, please ask. I need the accountability.

For now, this is what it is: a fat boy running for his life. Literally. Stay tuned to see how it works out.

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Worldview: Aftermath

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The picture you see here is me a day after spending six days in the hospital as a result of acute pancreatitis brought on by hypertriglyceridemia of such severity that I had to have the triglycerides removed from my blood by plasmapheresis. Left unchecked, the condition could have killed me. I’m only 43.

I’m posting this picture here as both a warning and a reminder. I want to make sure I remember how much I suffered during that period, and I never want there to be any doubt in my mind that I helped do this to myself.

Whether we like it or not, we are all very good at lying to ourselves. I’ve spent the last decade or more lying to myself about my health. This outcome has been coming for a long while, but somehow, I thought I would get away with it. Somehow, I thought I could ignore what I knew was happening because it wasn’t going to happen to me.

It did.

As it turns out, I have a long road ahead of me. My body is broken, and part of fixing it is going to mean giving up on the lies. It’s time to face the truth, and the truth is as bruised and ugly as this picture.

If anyone else can learn anything from my experience, it is that it will happen. Take care of yourself now. Stop making excuses. Stop lying to yourself. Do what needs done.

DLH

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